Author: Thought Catalog

“Through your actions, you showed me that if I love myself, I should never ill-treat myself for what I think I want, but strive for what I need. You taught me to love myself because if I don’t, I would be indirectly inviting others to trample over me, again and again.” That got me, especially because I feel exactly like that. Lucky for the writer having a lot of feels though, because he/she/ididntbothertocheckthename found that person who changed his/her mind. *sigh* Especially nowadays when I’m feeling antisocial, I want to find this person. More so that I can stop being a cling-on to my one friend whom I talk to on a daily basis.

Fitting. With the way the climate’s been… I am fidgeting as I type. Okay, that’s a pretty stupid thing to say, since I’m inside the library. But really. I don’t even understand whether the weather has a pattern or not; one moment it’s blazing hot, the next I can’t stand not being wrapped around my blanket. Ugh.

Hmmm… I still have six years left, then. I want to try the traveling bit; it’s the thing on this list that I don’t think I’ll be able to fulfill immediately. Also the kissing bit; I don’t know, but I tend to over think about things. I won’t be able to pull it off without thinking about it over and over the next day. Probably the next month, too.

So a friend of mine referred me to this article… I already saw this one, but just went pass it, thinking that it’s another mushy tale (and I’ve read enough mushy articles today). But when I read it, I was in awe of the writer. And of the writing style; it’s fresh for me. Then I was emotionally sucker punched; the setting’s different, the events varying, but the concept’s the same. To quote my good friend, “Her life is a lie and I believed the lie she told herself. Oh shame.” But what if it wasn’t? That’s the worst part, isn’t it? Never knowing which one’s lying to you, your ‘significant other’ or yourself. If you are to be honest with yourself, you’ll understand that you’ve been fooling yourself this whole time into thinking that he’s also into you. But what if your assumptions are right, and this other person is just protecting himself against the potential hurt he’ll face? While in the process, hurting you? Ugh. Too many questions. Too many what ifs.

At first I didn’t understand anything, and was confused because the author seemed like zooming in and out of the story. But now I get it. Props to the heroine for having the courage to show her heart first; I am too cowardly to follow suit. And the things she did, I couldn’t bring myself to do. I’m too calculating, too cautious. This cautiousness acts like a double-edged sword, protecting me from both hurt and love.