Do you love Korean dramas? I love Korean dramas. In fact I fawn over them. There is just something irresistable about supressed
lust love; that no matter what the theme of the drama is, the main characters would dance around each other up until the ending melodramatic part of the drama. Seriously, sometimes they don’t even need to kiss. The characters just stare at each other somberly then BOOM! Fireworks. So magical.
See, this fantasy of mine is the crux of my dilemma. I recently went out on a non-date with this guy (well I thought it was just a friendly date but I guess we had different ideas) and things went from good-ish to ruined. Admittedly I wasn’t into the guy going into the date
even though I find him cute and he would make good eye candy, but I figured I should have an open mind and just let things play out. I wished he could make me fall for him, which would be nice since I haven’t spoken with him much since we met. Granted, we had a brief getting-to-know conversation (try 5 days worth of texting) before we went out. But the guy is still practically a stranger for me. And from what I gleaned through our conversation on that ‘non-date’, I realized he’s not someone I’d be too excited to date again.
Stupidly, (on my part) we capped off the night by going to a karaoke place. I saw all the signs but I ignored them: how he started getting all touchy, and convincing me to drink some more. Unsurprisingly, sometime within the night he started kissing and groping me. It was a weird experience, being curious but feeling wronged at the same time. I wanted to reciprocate, and I think I tried for a few seconds, but my conscience wouldn’t let me and I really wasn’t feeling it. He tried to keep going several times but I resisted every time. Such wasted learning opportunity.
I told him straight up that nothing will happen between us, ever. He asked me if I was saving myself for marriage, and I honestly said no. Eventually, I would love to do it – but under different circumstances, on my terms. I was too put off to even think of going on another date with him, although I went mushy and just pretended that everything is okay for the rest of the night. Since it’s the last, might as well make the memory sweet, right?
Guess I’m not yet ready for real-life rated M. Charge it to experience.
So I realized I’m getting fatter.. not that I’ve been oblivious about it before. I’ve been weighing myself, and from an average of 85 kilos it became 90 (give or take – my weight fluctuates a lot). I’ve also noticed my protruding belly; it was there before, but now it seems to have overtaken my boobs in girth. This makes me look like a disproportionate preggy, or the tall girl with a beer belly. My uniform is also snug these days. But the final straw that hit me were stretch marks on my arms. I’m definitely alarmed cause I’ve always had stretch marks around my hips, but it’s the first time I had those welt-looking marks anywhere else. The first time I saw them they were angry red, but right now they settled to a lighter shade of pink. Doesn’t make them less alarming, though.
In other news, I have a new found appreciation for my job. Sure, it’s not a role I pictured getting myself into after I graduated, but it’s not so bad. I thought everything I did for the past 7-8 months was mindless compared to my peers, and to a certain degree it was. However, I realize now that my first job helped me curb my indecisiveness and improved my pro-activeness. The me a year ago would be in a state of panic at the thought of something going horribly wrong, much more so when the problem occurs. This is also applicable to the me three to four months ago. Right now, I’ve let go and became less neurotic about things. Whatever’s bound to happen will happen anyway, so there’s no use in fretting too much about it. Not that I’m saying I’ve stopped being spazztic, but that energy sort of transferred to into fangirling
almost exclusively. I believe this is a result of me being stuck in shitty work-related glitches and having to try resolving them less supervision than I’m used to. Whereas before I’d be losing my shit, nowadays I just either laugh or collect myself then get into action. It’s easier to live that way.
Now if only I could translate that to guys asking me out…
still an awkward turtle.
On Why You Shouldn’t Save While You’re Young ~ Jumbo Dumbo Thoughts.
This is wonderful. This could be an excuse sometime in the immediate future for me to live my life. I wonder how my parents would take it, though…
Jumbo Dumbo Thoughts
Relativity and subjectivity. These are things that would differ from person to person, depending on how an individual was brought up or what kind of influences surrounds him or her. Opinions vary, with consideration from whose perspective the speaker is coming from. However, a guy tries to rationalize abstract concepts and societal issues with charts and data, creating something fascinating and beautiful in attempted black and white.
The data blog, as the blogger calls it, tackles a range of topics from scalping and the laws of demand and supply to Yolanda’s foreign aid flow. To be honest, the former entry was what enticed me to delve more into his blog. I love how he is able to organize his insights into one coherent thought, with concrete evidences from self-made infographics based from reliable sources. I don’t personally know the guy, but he’s pretty popular for his brilliance and so I’m a little familiar with him. The last I heard from him, he represented our university along with three other Accountancy students (well, him and another student were double degree holders) in a competition (forgot whether it’s a business case or Olympiad-type) and won the whole thing; they are set to compete again abroad sometime next year. He has a lot of other credentials that I’ve only ever heard of because of my friends, but the point is: the dude is a genius. If you’re not convinced, then check out his blog. I’m sure there’s an entry (or two) out there that’ll appeal to you and amuse you immensely, as it did to me.
It‘s been a while since I posted anything, and my justification doesn’t even make sense, but that’s how I see things and that’s that. Really, there’s been a lot that happened over the past two to three months; namely:
- Rihanna’s Diamonds World Tour (first concert I’ve been ever!)
- Graduation (now I’m just an unemployed, dependent bum)
- Job hunting (accompanied by rejections)
- Quality bonding time/ catch-up sessions with friends
- Teeth correction (There’s a shitload of work being done to my teeth right now)
- Trip to Lucena
Well anyway, I truly enjoyed my downtime (I’ve been idle since September), wasting days away in front of my trusty laptop, but living the bum life can sometimes get too tiring
not to mention mentally degenerative. I am so relaxed right now, to the point that I’m craving for something to do. Right now I’m waiting for a final interview callback which I’m hoping I actually get, since this is the most appealing opportunity to me. I want to land this job so badly.
The reason why I haven’t been writing even though I have all the time in the world to do so is because of the lack of inspiration. I brought up to a friend of mine I’ve met recently that nowadays, there are only two interesting things about my life: my job search and my teeth. Really, I couldn’t contribute much stories or anecdotes whenever I meet up with my friends ’cause I’m holed up in my room most of the time. Usually I write whenever an event happens, or when an idea strikes me which most of the time happens while I am out of the house, observing things. Since I am now only limited to occasional trips outside our house for gimmicks or job application compared to my previous routinary commute back and forth between my school and house, the opportunity for me to observe has also lessened. At least that’s how I see things.
I think it’s important to mention what prompted me to write an entry. Earlier today, I received a post card from a friend now staying at Czech Rep, specifically Brno. It was written three weeks ago and miles from here, but I’m glad he wrote me something nonetheless. my cousin initially mistook it as a flyer, but luckily she read my name and the message. I asked her if it came along with a parcel of some sort because there was a post script saying that I consider it as my pasalubong. He’s a fellow blogger, but I don’t think he posted anything yet of his escapades over there. I’m fond of my old block mate, classmate, thesis group mate and graduation seatmate even if he can get a little
too much narcissistic around me. Okay I miss him, it’s been a month since our last contact and he made my day by cracking me up with the post card. So there. I dedicate this suckish post to him.
In a few days, I’d probably do a recap of some of the things I’ve listed except for the concert; honestly, a lot of people already covered it and there’s nothing left to say other than I thoroughly enjoyed her performance. And that her set list rocks.
I was reading a fanfic from this lovely writer (can’t link the specific fic because her works are community member-locked) a few days ago which turned out to be a songfic. This was the song used, and by the end of reading it my eyes were wet from suppressed tears. It was that good. After reveling in my feels, I wondered where I heard the song before; it sure sounded familiar. Turns out, when I searched for it online, it was part of Prince Caspian’s soundtrack. This frustrated me to no end, because that movie was released five years ago and I only appreciated it now. But maybe it was meant to be; after all, part of what attracted me to The Call is how applicable it is to my life now.
I’ll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
This relates to me so much because I’m about to graduate. The big day’s only a few weeks from now, and I can’t help but be wistful about my college life as well as my future real-world-adult-working life. This is it; I’m almost part of the
unemployed working force. I can’t say I made much difference, just because I don’t feel like I did something significant; but for those I have had a pleasure of encountering during my stay in the university, thank you. This is dedicated to you, you guys I’ve met along this journey, because you made my college life all the more interesting. I have grown as a person, and I believe you have contributed a lot to this development. As I leave this chapter of my life, I won’t cry, nor will I be sad, because there’s no need for goodbyes; just beckon, and I’ll be there.
Wow. I’ve been a crappy blogger lately… but I can defend myself! The past month has not been kind to me at all, and for various reasons; after all, it’s my last term in college.
Let’s list it down, shall we?
- Academic Service. I wrote this on the top of my list, mainly because it’s way overdue. I incurred a minor offense (with a second warning) last year for four cases of left ID. This sounds so ridiculous that when I told my friends, they just laughed at my face before they sympathized with me. There are other processes related to this, but bottom line is I need to have a letter from my parents saying that they know about it as well as render eight (8) hours worth of academic service. This means that I need to work for the department I belong to (but really it’s just a nicer way of saying I’m at their mercy) for eight hours. What scared me more was the inform-you-parents part of the deal. I have this constant fear of disappointing my parents, and so I delayed having that conversation until the last minute, which was basically six months after I first filed for the offense and a week after the application to graduate’s deadline lapsed. I was barred from accessing the facility, so I had no choice but to finish it as quickly as possible. As it turns out, all my worries are for nothing: my parents were expressionless when I told them about it nonchalantly (I had to pass it off as if it wasn’t a big deal
but it really was – for me) and my mom just signed the letter I presented to her without asking questions. I took the non-responsiveness regarding the matter as a good sign at least I wasn’t scolded or anything. My problem was compounded because there was a week-long (well, almost) suspension of classes somewhere thrown in August because of typhoon Maring; before this suspension, I already accomplished four hours’ worth of work – so I was left with another four. This delayed me in finally settling this issue. I almost missed my deadlines, but fortunately I pulled through. This occupied a good two weeks of my August (of course, among other things).
- Application to Graduate. Which our registrar conveniently shortened to ATG. Because of the implications my minor offense (and delaying tactics) caused, I had to manually apply for it. This entailed trips to the vice dean’s office and registrar’s office (renamed enrollment services hub for some reason *squints*). I was alarmed because after several processes (some of which were done at cutthroat deadliest deadline)
P.S. This should’ve been posted before my previous post, but I finished that one earlier and so… :)) (sorry for being disorganized)