Growing up

2014-09-20 20So I realized I’m getting fatter.. not that I’ve been oblivious about it before. I’ve been weighing myself, and from an average of 85 kilos it became 90 (give or take – my weight fluctuates a lot). I’ve also noticed my protruding belly; it was there before, but now it seems to have overtaken my boobs in girth. This makes me look like a disproportionate preggy, or the tall girl with a beer belly. My uniform is also snug these days. But the final straw that hit me were stretch marks on my arms. I’m definitely alarmed cause I’ve always had stretch marks around my hips, but it’s the first time I had those welt-looking marks anywhere else. The first time I saw them they were angry red, but right now they settled to a lighter shade of pink. Doesn’t make them less alarming, though.

In other news, I have a new found appreciation for my job. Sure, it’s not a role I pictured getting myself into after I graduated, but it’s not so bad. I thought everything I did for the past 7-8 months was mindless compared to my peers, and to a certain degree it was. However, I realize now that my first job helped me curb my indecisiveness and improved my pro-activeness. The me a year ago would be in a state of panic at the thought of something going horribly wrong, much more so when the problem occurs. This is also applicable to the me three to four months ago. Right now, I’ve let go and became less neurotic about things. Whatever’s bound to happen will happen anyway, so there’s no use in fretting too much about it. Not that I’m saying I’ve stopped being spazztic, but that energy sort of transferred to into fangirling almost exclusively.  I believe this is a result of me being stuck in shitty work-related glitches and having to try resolving them less supervision than I’m used to. Whereas before I’d be losing my shit, nowadays I just either laugh or collect myself then get into action. It’s easier to live that way.

Now if only I could translate that to guys asking me out… still an awkward turtle.